Me, her and Keeping up with the Kardashians

by The British Asian Blog

I choose my acquaintances based on their attractiveness, their sexiness, their style, class, ability, age and profession – the latter at times can be compromised or negotiated but is rare.  As a guy It’s hard work, and at times it requires long exhausting hours of research into their lifestyles, background and their intended future aspirations, before I make my move or orchestrate an engagement.  I guess, my interpretation of acquaintances is different from the norm.

One thing I wasn’t prepared for is how serious ‘some’ take a reality TV show – that too unscripted, as my recent acquaintance would have me believe.  Despite an exceptionally high appointed role working for a watch brand known to the world as Rolex, and despite ticking all the boxes for being on par for an ideal acquaintance, she has brought with her an unimaginable rift between us.

Allow me, going forth, to refer to this acquaintance as Priya – who is the most adorable personality you would find in a woman of 31 years of age – that I can’t take away from her. Her assignments for Rolex give her the power to travel around the world (for which many envy her profession and career) connecting and networking with high profile individuals, including members associated with Hollywood, Bollywood and government officials in the west just to highlight a few.

Her recent business assignment brings her to West Yorkshire and in particular to Leeds.  I first met Priya in London during the build-up to 2010 International Indian Film Academy (IIFA) which was to be held in Colombo, Sri Lanka.  It was there, in London, where we first interacted and engaged but departed until her presence in Leeds few weeks ago.  She instantly and immediately struck a tone in me and ever since we have kept our communication ongoing.

To keep focus on the unimaginable rift she has introduced between us, I cannot put what I am about to write in any easy or simple words, and I must express this as it formulates in my head.  Priya’s life can be divided into three whole sections – and by no stretch of the imagination can what I write impede her personality and her status – two parts out of three of her life I can handle and in all cases with pleasure, but the final part I am not prepared to compromise or negotiate on, and I must reject it wholeheartedly.

The first part of her life is work – which is impressive and attractive, the second part to her life currently is our close interactions and engagements – again impressive and something I have no problem with, but the third part of her life is spending every second when she is either not working or when she is not with me, watching the US reality show known as Keeping up with the Kardashians.

The Kardashians or the actual word, admittedly, is not oblivious to me.  It has, in the past, popped up in discussion with other people I know – all being females, but since my physical engagement with Priya during the build up of 2010 IIFA event in Colombo, I have understood exactly who the Kardashians are.

Priya, literally is obsessed in keeping up with the Kardashians, she has gone as far as setting up my Sky HD box at my apartment to record every possible program that is aired on Sky relating to the Kardashians, whereas in the past my Sky HD was programmed to record programs such as ‘The Apprentice, Dragons Den, programs relating to cooking and property development and Sport games’.  If Priya is not at work and not with me she will be at the home cinema in my apartment keeping up with the Kardashians, and if she isn’t at my apartment watching it, for sure, she will be at her hotel keeping up with the Kardashians.

I once asked her “if there is or was a person who you would aspire to be, who would that one person be?” thinking the response will be on par with Ghandi and Jesus or someone to this level, her response was unimaginable and signalled the seriousness of her Keeping up with the Kardashians condition, and she uttered with passion “it would be…hhhhmmmm….Kim Kardashian out of the three sisters” at which point my jaw, my jogging pants and the mug of fresh brewed coffee dropped (and this scene, is on replay in slow-motion in my mind ever since).  It was clear that Kardashian is not a one man army but a clan, and there were more of them – Jesus Christ indeed.

To give her a fair trial, since she puts up with me and my habit of watching dragons den religiously with a notepad and my thinking cap on, I decided I would cave into her request of watching at least one episode of keeping up with the Kardashians with her – so I did.

The one episode that I watched with her, good grief I couldn’t help but clench my fists and grit my teeth all the while Priya found it romantic, while the I watched this disaster she rested her head on my somewhat tense lap with tense thigh muscles, the episode was so crazy, embarrassing and emotionally charged that I wish I hadn’t agreed to watching it.

In this episode, Kris Jenner happens to bump into her ex at a tennis practice, she, somewhat decides to pursue her ex which in the end results in agreeing to have an evening dinner – in the disguise of wanting closure from their relationship (considering they haven’t met each other for over a decade).  All the while, her current poor husband Bruce Jenner is left in the dark about what was brewing behind his back.  One of the Kardashian daughters along with Rob Kardashian realise the mother is up to something and decide to follow her, spy on her moves suspecting their mother having an affair – but their pursuit of obtaining evidence runs cold when they lose track of where their mother has vanished.  After spending the evening dinner, in close proximity with her ex, flirting and somewhat reliving old memories, Kris decides to go home and come clean with what just happened, so she wakes Bruce up from his bed, brings him out to the kitchen area and explains what happens.  For the sake of sanity and idealism I wish not to go any further in describing this episode.

As the episode drew to a close, I couldn’t help but regret having sat there watching this crazy reality TV show, if I can call it that.  I should receive an award for handling this episode so well and living to tell the tale – I guess the award should include words such as ‘brave’ or ‘extremely brave’ in the title.  What was more regrettable was Priya actually enjoyed it, which goes to show that I and Priya are on two different planets entirely.

Priya is checked into a hotel a stone throw away from my apartment, but she pretty much spends her time when she isn’t working at my apartment.

So almost two weeks ago, I decided to ‘politely’ eject her out of my apartment for a few days so that I can a) reclaim back my Sky HD box, b) delete all of the programs recorded that relate to the Kardashians and c) to teach her a lesson in making me watch this crap, where the time I spent watching that one episode is something I will never get back, not to mention the distress caused at the time. Harsh – I know.

Last weekend, almost 11 days later, I finally opened the door to Priya.  In those 7 days days I have had no contact with her other than mobile communication, but I’m now glad that she has realised that its either keeping up with the Kardashians or keeping up with me, happy that she opted for the later.  In saying that, as she fluttered her eyelashes I did back track on one thing though, which was that she could watch her unscripted, reality TV show at her own hotel room – as and when she pleased, but not in my premises.

As for the Kardashians, well, they can go take a long walk and occupy someone else’s home cinema as far as I am concerned.

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