Engagement Ke Side-effects: Demons

*name changed to protect identity

It has been difficult several months since our engagement.  I’m tempted to tell you in very fine detail but I see that you are focused on two important parts of your life, your career and our wedding.  I’ve battled my demons before, but since our engagement, my new demons or rather big compared to the past – they make me weaker.  You see me, I stand outside my car on the curb leaning my back on the bonnet of my Range Rover.  I see you park your car and walk over to me.  You have a giggling walk – you half walk and half run towards me. You push yourself and lean into me, you reach up and run your hands through my hair.  Gosh that feels good, it’s soothing and it’s meaningful.  “How are you” you say, and your hands are still in my hair.  Only if I could tell you that I’m weakening from within.  I use to be strong but I don’t feel it anymore.  I use to get what I want – even the camaraderie of another women ‘as and when’ but limited to sex only, now I can’t.  I want to tell you that I am fighting my demons and believe me Simren*, I am fighting them hard – with everything I have got.

“A little tired” I reply and display my cheeky smile.  You look up at me, into my eyes, I look back and I love what I see.  Your innocent eyes, the shape of them, the curled eyelashes and the smoothness of your skin, fresh and young – But I look away, I fear you may see into my heart – the truth that I am hiding and hiding the war I am fighting with my demons.  It isn’t a pleasant war and, for sure, I don’t want you to see it.

We get into my car, I drive, I have a habit of sitting comfortably in my seat – as if I’m learning deliberately on to your side.  I have my left-hand relaxing on the central column.  You slide your hand and lock your fingers into mine.  I look towards you; you hum away and look out of the window at the store fronts.  You connected your hand to mine via a subconscious action and I feel privileged.  Your hand is cold yet soft.  I like it, it is like a reassurance and I equally respond.  I squeeze your hand a little hard, I can see from the side of my vision you turn and look at me “easy tiger” you say.  I laugh and continue staring ahead.

Ah yes these words “easy tiger” do feed my demons.  Thoughts spring into my mind.  Thoughts of how these words have been uttered to me before.  These thoughts you don’t want to know.  They use to spur me on during my extra circular activities with women.  A kind of trigger to suggest I’m just going beyond the point of pleasure and into pain.  Then these words didn’t bring me a notch lower but increase in intensity, in rhythm, physically and went on to inflict more pain, until they screamed “stop, stop that’s enough” or physically escaped out of position.  I can’t see myself do this to you Simren.  I glance back at you to reaffirm this understanding and you do, you are innocent, you are unaware and you have underestimated this beast.  I am a beast, I’ve learnt to tame and discipline myself, but for how long.  After all a beast is a beast.

We arrive at our destination.  You, like an excited kid, want to jump out of the car.  I ask you to wait “hold on stay seated”.  You are confused, you need to get used to it.  It is a gentleman’s norm to walk over to the passenger side and open the door for you.  I offer my arm and you hug it and leap off from the passenger side.  I feel your chest and arms wrap around my arm and I’m pleasantly surprised.  The demons are back and I need to fight them again.

You walk in before me, your hand leading me behind you.  I smell the fragrance of your hair, as the air plays with it.  I’m sure I smelt raspberry, which is soft and delicate.  You simply stop at the reception, slightly taken back by the design, darkness and uniqueness of this place.  It can be overpowering if you haven’t been here before.  Admittedly it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.  Here you’ll usually find barristers, politicians, directors and other powerful entities dinning – a show of power, privilege and to some extent the wealth.  You look confused and I take this opportunity to walk ahead of you.  We’re greeted and he talks to me by name.  You looked surprised that I’m familiar to this place, that they know me by my name.  Without any hesitation, we’re asked if we want to be seated at our table.  I offer you to walk in front, and you are still confused, taken back and wondering.

“We’ve done as you wished sir, you have the best table on this floor”.  I hint to you to let him take off your coat for you.  It’s the norm here.  You still look confused and slightly overwhelmed.  I like it.  In fact, I find it very attractive.  The slightly confused actions of your coat being taken off for you and you taking it off at the same time makes me smirk and leer.  It is always ladies first, here.

Being here, being so very well acquainted to this place and the surprised yet confused look on your face make me wonder what you are wondering.  I look at you and I see you are the prettiest thing here, but how do I say it to you.  Anything I say will not settle in you.  I reach out over the table, under the lamp my cufflink sparkle, you nervously bring out your left hand from under the table and place it in mine.  Now it’s warm, it’s soft and the skin feels young.  I squeeze it, like I did in the car to reassure you that it is all about you.  Yes, it is all about you.  The place is new to you but you are new to me.  I’ve become weaker in fighting my demons, the demons that so want me to commit my first mistake with you before we become official, official in the eyes of the world.  You try to reach over to my tie “You’re so far away from me” and I acknowledge.  I shuffle my chair closer to you; I’m always trying to come closer to you even physically.  You need to understand Simren, you are the longest I’ve known a girl without having gone as far as I have done with others.  This isn’t normal for me.  I must learn to respect you, you will symbolise how I look at others in a few months and I need to make sure you see that I am fighting, I am fighting these demons with everything I have.

I will fight! I will win!

British Asian Bloggers List – Resurrection

I have resurrected the ‘British Asian Bloggers List’ on my site.  Now is probably a good time to bring this section up to date.

So, if you’re a British Asian Blogger or an International Asian Blogger, for that matter, and want your blog(s) to be discovered then visit ‘British Asian Blogger List’ above or click here

All you need to do is fill out a small form and I’ll add you to the repository.  You can also help by getting others (and like minded bloggers) to submit their blog details.

Thank You!

 

2015 In Review

It is 17th of February 2016 now, about a month and a half since 2015 as a year slipped into the times of yore.  I had intended to right a more meticulous and scrupulous review for 2015, but, time is of the essence and time is for sure, thus not on my side.

So instead I’ve opted for a safer approach in my review, and indeed, an extremely short one by my blogging principles and standards.

There are three words that perfectly sum up 2015 for me:

Recuperation, Realisation and Appreciation.

Like every year for the past 5 to 6 years, allot has happened in 2015, much more than what I can afford to write about.  Key and significant events, or rather key triggers, that have occurred in 2015 will have a colossal, life changing (or so I hope) results in 2016, such as:

Simren and I will be getting engaged in 2016.  A dedicated post about this is on the horizon.

My family (parents/siblings) will be seeing more of me, particularly when I’m not travelling abroad, as some changes I made in late 2015 going into the present means delegating and entrusting some UK based business/entrepreneurial responsibilities and overseeing to a personal assistant I have been forced to have, albeit, at the moment on a 4 months trail period.  That’s right; I’ve finally given in to peer pressure from the crew and took on a 22 year old personal assistant.  Again, a post about this will be up soon.

Anyway, 2016 I hope, for us all is a better year and a more fruitful one too.

Stay tuned for more regular posts from me and shenanigans I go through in my life.  As always I write my posts as on ‘life as it is’ and it is, indeed, the best way.

Greatest Pleasure

Read the following, pause and think about it – then have your say:

My 100th Post

Thanks to WordPress, I was informed that my last post was my 100th one.  This, I feel, calls for a mini celebrations..

I would, therefore, like to take this opportunity to say ‘Thank You’ to each and every single one of you.  Finding the time, words and energy (in my current busy lifestyle) isn’t easy but people like you, regular followers, readers and contributors inspire me, and thus I’ve grown the confidence and aspiration to continue.

I feel that I need to make a few changes, since 100 is a good number and a milestone (albeit a small one in the grand scheme of things) I’m contemplating a number of options to bring about a positive change to this blog.  The very least I can do is play with the design and theme – personalizing it a little more.  I can experiment with a new, refreshing, approach to blogging and alter the blog content to capture more about British Asians ethos: the spirit and culture of British Asians and how the era or community has manifested in its attitudes and aspirations. So all these ideas have suddenly engulfed me and are going around in my head.

Once again I’d like to Thank y’all for making this possible and all I can say is ‘stay tuned’ for another challenge I set myself and put this blog through its paces and re-energies it.

Elusive PhD

Recently, I’ve had a 3 letter word allot on my mind – it doesn’t, for once, begin with an ‘S’ and end with an ‘X’ (joke intended).  It begins with ‘P’ and ends with a ‘D’.  Yup – that’s right it’s my PhD research.

I bet many of you have probably forgotten that as well as everything else, I am, still, a (part-time) PhD research student and if you didn’t know – now you do.  Majority of you, I know, don’t have a ephemeral memory – thank god.

One main reason why I’ve been away, especially from this blog-platform, is purely because of my PhD.  I realised and it hit me hard, while I was in India (business-pleasure vacation) (Dec 2013 to Jan 2014) during a Skype meeting with my University supervisor, that I needed to scale down my travelling dramatically, especially seen that I am now entering a critical demesne phase of my research – the dreaded practical lab work.

I use the word ‘lab’ loosely (and you can probably see the academic PhD language coming out here) as it covers a multiple areas including recording the physical behaviour of subjects (which is another academic/scientific name for human beings) including their vital signs.

In a perfect world:

• I’d be able to complete my ethical approval request with ease (by the way is a thesis in itself).
• Submit it to the University ethical approval department.
• Where the ethical approval board/committee would meet, sit and approve it in record time.
• Which would then be forwarded and thus allowing me to repeat the same process again but this time to the public healthcare service (trying to avoid using the name here but you might just get the idea).
• Who would meet, sit and approve again in record time and I’d be on my way to the next step.

However, and unfortunately, the world I live in isn’t so damn perfect, and having submitted my ethical approval request (or rather thesis) for the second time earlier this year, I am yet to hear the verdict (either its granted or more information is required) – talk about wanting this to be more cynosure.  I have, however, been assured, after knocking on a few doors, that a response will be with me soon.  In an academic dictionary the word ‘soon’ has no definition (according to me).

Once I have the ethical approval from both the University and public healthcare service, I will then need to spend a considerable amount of time, close to about a year, with subjects (remember real human beings) where I can perform some activities with and record their behaviour (from both close proximity and long distance) thus fusing together technology and medicine to help subjects with various forms of clinical illnesses.  I was told during this time by my supervisor that I will be mentoring some final year under graduate students – a total of 3.  I asked “do I have a choice?” he laughed and after a long pause replied “No”.  I then said to him “give me all female students, or, let me pick my 3 students”.  He responded with a raised eyebrow.

So I guess you kind of get the idea of what I mean by lab work.

On this very blog, excluding the other two (remember I do have two more blogs where I’m the author and run with the help of a team) I haven’t talked much about my PhD research other than mentioning it very briefly in my ‘about me’ section.  I don’t want you guys to get the impression that I’ve suddenly woken up in the middle of the night and said “damn, I have a PhD research to do” which in a panicking fashion led me to manufacture this blog post.

The fact is that I have been hard at work and it hasn’t been just a dalliance or halcyon approach.

Not only handling my business(es), a newly started venture (well by that I mean just over a year old venture), existing property development and expanding my portfolio, travelling and career in the healthcare sector, I have been engaged in studying and making a conscious effort in doing so.  Having an apartment in Leeds and Knightsbridge London where I tend to stay during the week and where I commute between the two, and a home (an actual house) in a nice part of Leeds, it can become extremely challenging and imbroglio to study everyday, especially since my study and research material is scattered and can be anywhere (Leeds or London) along with my equipment and journals/papers.  In the past it has been a tremendous amount of pain in the backside having settled down to study only to realise I’ve left something behind at my last location.  So now I have to ensure that no matter where I am, intend to stay, travel to, or how I travel – I need to take with me everything (books, equipment, laptop(s), journals, research papers and more books) even when travelling to Florida or India for vacation – Yes it’s been that crazy.

Speaking about India, on my last visit to India I screwed up by leaving a large about of study material (all very important) at the apartment of my acquaintance.  Although we had spent plenty of time together she ended up in Maldives with her family (a break well deserved considering how hard she had performed worked) and during the 2014 New Year celebrations she ventured off to New York, which meant my study material was locked at her apartment as I headed home – but thank god, after having scraped myself off the ceiling and virtually crying to her over a Skype call, once I got back home in the UK she arranged for the material to be DHL’d and was back with me in around 10 days.  You see, no matter where I am, or go, I am still a student.  My acquaintance in India finds it fascinating that I am so dedicated to so many things in my life and she doesn’t falter in constantly reminding me – especially when, at times, she has woken up 4am and found me studying in a surreptitious fashion outside the bedroom in her kitchen only to look at me slightly bemused and left scratching her head as to the sight of me scattered all over her kitchen.  She is right and I am totally dedicated.  Once I’ve committed to something I need to see it through come what may?  I’m just like that.

My supervisor, who I need to see desperately face to face as oppose to Skype and phone, is always concerned about my progress and at times does give desultory and evocative hints.  He’s not the only one – I am too.  With so much to do, read, work on, plan and discuss he finds that I am all of the place, by that he means physically not academically (I hope).  The truth is, when I first embarked on this PhD path, part time study was my personal choice – why – because it allowed me to keep a balance between family, life, business, money, work and everything else.  Yes, being full time ‘could have’ meant finishing my PhD research allot quicker, but imagine what else I would have missed out on?  So, when he complains I am left scratching my head (even on Skype) thinking “well you knew I was going to be all over the place – hence why I did it part time”.  I have to, however, remember and take into account his concerns, after all he is a Professor as well as my supervisor, and has seen it all before and knows the signs of when someone is on the path of screwing up badly.  So to ensure I am not going to screw up I have made some extremely critical and vital decisions, all which aid me in becoming more of a research student (that too at a PhD level) and less of a – well – everything else I’m known as.  My cohorts on campus find it funny and amusing that I arrive on campus in a large four wheel drive, suited up and carry a briefcase (yes  I do, I’m old school) and a rucksack.  Other than to the cohort I appear to be a young lecturer of some kind (as the old folk usually appear to be wearing a 20 year old cream/brown coded trousers, a jumper and a 20 year old bottle green jacket).  The truth is, I’m just another student on campus who 1) hasn’t had the time to get changed into something-more-student-like-wear or 2) simply can’t be asked getting changed from Professional into something unprofessional clothing.

I embarked onto this PhD research, not because I didn’t know what to do after I graduated with a Masters, or because I need to up my qualifications to get a better career, the fact is, I have a good career, I own and run multiple businesses with good (outrageous) turnover, I have no money worries.  My PhD research was a ebullience challenge I set myself – and despite having contemplated quitting a couple of times – I know how important it is for me to complete it.

As my father once said, before he left me at the gates of my boarding school – somewhere in Berkshire “Son, remember, don’t trail and track money – trail and track your passion”, and so, this one statement has guided me to where I am today.

Once I’m in I’m in.

Note:  This post was written via a iPad and my smart phone – both I find unconventional in writing and churning out such material, so if you find lack of creativity or errors than please do excuse me, I can only get better while using such technology and tools.

This part of my life is called ‘Rules Of Engagement’

Ever since I was a child, the one thing I was good at or rather ‘extremely’ good at was to get myself organised and ready for obstacles of tomorrow.  I was good at preparing myself, in all forms, for the future, especially in the face of new and different challenges presented to me and at times at extreme short notices.   Over time I’ve grown more confident, secure and positive in handling pressures that come with this, especially when stepping into unknown territory.  Today, I’m no different, and with age has come wisdom and a wealth of experience.  I’m still having to understand the limits of my will power.

You may have noted that my posts, here on this very blog have gotten fewer and more far between of late.

I arrived back in the UK on the 19^th September, after spending a very long time in India, where I had the opportunity to visit Florida and Dubai.

Since being back, I’ve been, with great effort and perusal, trying to get myself organised – especially since the new challenges in my life will require more of my attention, time and effort.

Other than the new challenges in my life, which I have written about before, in October/November 2012 I made myself accept a new one.  In a weird way, this challenge was a shock to me that I had decided and accepted to do it.  It has a direct impact on blogging and my desire to write.  I purchased two separate domain names along with hosting solutions.  These two domain names were to become my second and third blog along with related twitter profiles.  These two new blogs went live in November 2012.  This blog ‘The British Asian Blog’ still remains my first one.  One fundamental difference with the two new domain names is that they don’t include the extension “.wordpress” in them.

I hear you!  Why would I create two new blogs when I was clearly neglecting this one?

Yes, it is true that this blog was with ‘intention’ neglected.  Not because I was put off from writing or blogging or that I couldn’t find the time considering how busy I generally am in life and it wasn’t a case of being obtuse.  In fact, the absolute truth is that I had focused all available time and energy, when not running my businesses or involved in new ventures, in churning out content for my new second and third blog and spending time playing about with SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) to help people discover the blog and its content more conveniently, of course online.

I hear you, again! What exactly are the other two blogs about?

Good question, and let me be honest.  This blog ‘The British Asian Blog’ was originally setup to fulfil a desire, and it was out of pure desire that I created a platform to voice my views on British Asians.  Since British Asians are making rapid forward progress it was my opportunity to talk about the Good, Bad and the Ugly vociferously, but overtime, I somehow have lost the focus and became wanton.  Instead of sticking to a dedicated area of interest, I began, without control to mix wide-ranging topics including my personal life and business interests, with posts concerning British Asians but the latter should have only every been published here.   I guess, one can argue that mixing a wide-ranging topics can be viewed as a British Asian life-style and what I go through would be a true representation of a British Asian or in other words, killing many birds with one stone, but I’m neither content nor satisfied with this, and so, two new blogs have been born as a result.

The new blogs (which I’ll refer to as ‘second’ and ‘third’ blog) have been created and executed to up a few levels in so far as blogging and writing is concerned, but also to get myself organised for the future.

The Second blog is intended for life writing and purely based on my private life.  The content is extremely well structured and is about reliving my life from as far back I can remember to the very present moment.  It contains memories of my childhood, my teenage years, my life at boarding school – the people I boarded with, lived with and where they are now and what they are doing, my family and friends, my acquaintances and the shenanigans, tomfoolery and waywardness I have got up to in the past and involved in right up until this very day, and everything else which is classed as private.

The Third blog is dedicated to my entrepreneurial side, and is purely based around understanding money, business, achievements, failures and how to be successful.  I use the word ‘successful’ loosely, as it is my belief that no one can ever achieve true success as the idea of success is based on individual interpretation.  The idea of this blog is extremely simple and with one, long-term, goal in mind – you see, you get people who spend a large chunk of their lives, be it hours, days, weeks or even months, reading and studying books written by wealthy people.  Wealthy people who claim to reveal their secrets.  Those individuals who get involved in reading their books or material often hope that their inspiration will rub off on them giving them that spark, confidence and know-how to go out and become equally successful and wealthy (and in some cases it does happen).  Well, I am not like that, and I don’t want to be a reader or customer of these books but an actual author of one.  The blog is dedicated to my experience and hard work from the very beginning till this very day.  The structure of the blog is simple but extremely effective.  It’s also a diary of how my new venture with my acquaintance has formed into a viable, prosperous, affluent and moneyed venture where already we have successfully launched in London and Delhi.  How I plan and organise to take it further.  I provide and make visible my views, tips and guidance to people who ask for my opinion along with an opportunity for readers/visitors to directly contact and engage with me.  The idea, as mentioned before, is to over time build up a credible platform with enough content for me to write it into a book or a series of books, hopefully.

The amazing part of all this is that since November last year, I’ve asked for help from a IT/Tech professional who works for me on a different business, to spend a little of his time playing with SEO for both blogs.  The chap understands SEO remarkably well and with him chipping in I’m glad to report that both blogs and associated twitter profiles have achieved and generated extremely large following and traffic since November 2012, especially the Third blog, much more than what I had in mind or expected and it isn’t serendipity.

So, where does this blog fit in?

Well, this blog will continue to operate as usual.  For now, my intention is to build up this blog to a reputable platform and continue to focus its content to British Asians.  The downside to this blog is that its platform is extremely limited, other than publishing content and tweaking the end-user interface; there isn’t much else I can do with it.  That said, going forward this blog will benefit from receiving equal amount of attention and focus from me in comparison to the Second and Third blog.  The long and short of it is that I have plans for this blog too.

In my world, nothing ever is by chance but orchestrated with intent.  As Steve Jobs and Apple quoted in one of their commercials in 1997 “The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do” and that, my fellow people, sums it all up ‘perfectly‘.

Me, Her and Him – The Enemy From Within

I felt somewhat mortified and disgruntled after receiving those texts from RHK*, not to mention livid and extremely revengeful (catch up with the previous chronicles here).  How dare he, out of all the people, get involved in my affairs and tell me to back off. His actions didn’t surprise me, although at the time a little shocked, but what worried me more than his actions was his knowledge of Simren and me.

Those messages exchanged between RHK and I took me back to a memory lane which I was reluctant and averse to visit, but had to as they shape up the relationship between RHK and me.

RHK and I are blood related.  We are first cousins, where my father and his father are biological brothers. My father has five brothers, where my father is the youngest.  Four of his brothers live in the UK, One in South Asia and One in America.  We are a big clan. My father is the youngest sibling in his family and I’m the youngest in mine.

Our clan, by that I mean first cousins, is around 35 in total – I’ve not actually counted, it’s an estimate.

RHK is 14 months older than me.  Before I appeared in this world, my mum and dad with the rest of my 5 siblings use to live with his brother (RHK father) in a large house in Leeds and RHK was the youngest member of the family.  Few months before I was born, my family moved into their own family house, one which my father was slowly renovating in Leeds.

RHK and I have been extremely competitive from day one.  As toddlers, we would fight with each other over anything.  Before long, my siblings noticed the constant hostilities and war between us as toddlers and recall on few occasions how the elders had a go at each other because of us.  I was a big baby when I was born, but by the age of 2 I was well on my way in catching up with RHK in growth.

Our personalities clashed and these became more apparent and noticeable to others around us.  I can’t pinpoint why we clash, why the tension between us all the time – it’s just that we are simply two different people with different characters.

The family (my father and uncles) have gradually made it a ritual, a custom, to send most of their children to boarding school.  For the boys at the age of 13, and for the girls at the age of either 12 or 13 depending on which boarding school it was.  This meant, as a kid there was no getting away with extra home tuition that too at an extremely early age.  When RHK hit 13 he was given admission to the same boarding school where the rest of the unfortunate elder cousins had been sent and where I would go 2 years later.  This boarding school resides in Berkshire, and it was then while RHK began his new life there I began to forget him and the rivalry between us.

In the two years that RHK wasn’t around, other than summer holidays and family vacations where our families would connect and re-engage, the rivalry between us eroded away somewhat.  We both matured and the constant bickering between us lessened.

Finally, at the age of 13 and some months – I landed in the same boarding school as RHK. I remember the induction day, where I knew I had no other choice but to commit, no excuses not to go to school anymore I was practically living in the school.  Previously, I had been there a couple of times before mainly for the various entry assessments I had to go through, surprisingly somehow I passed them, and this induction day was the start of my new life, one which I hadn’t experience the anxiety and mixed feelings – it was simply one big confusing picture and a big blur.  From here onwards, my life would no longer be the same.

My family and RHK family were confident that both of us at the same boarding school would be a good thing.  The very least, being a newcomer RHK would show me the ropes, look after me and get me up to speed with living there.  In other words, I’d be more comfortable with RHK living there too.  They and I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I think our families realised the troubles between us when towards December of my first year, my father received an unwelcomed, unexpected letter from the housemaster, in which he (the bastard) explained in graphic terms how a friendly cricket game between the houses turned into a type-of-riot.  He painted a picture so dreadful that it made my father drive all the way from Leeds to Berkshire to have words with me, in front of the housemaster (the bastard), few academic staff (equal bastards) and RHK.  What really happened was RHK and I ended up in a fight, what I do remember is we were on opposite teams during a regular cricket game between (two) houses.  I remember coming into bat when RHK and few others begun taunting me, name calling and so on.  I did something (which is a little blurred right now) and the situation exploded and descended into an all out tussle where punches and kicks flew in all directions, it also forced other teams members and friends to get involved until we were pulled apart by our house mates and academic staff.

Our relationship at this point was cemented – we would never get on.  It meant our families had confirmation of our relationship and the enmity between us – so ensured we were never alone together when with families.

By the time RHK’s education finished at the boarding school, his father (my uncle) had moved to America – with the intention of living there permanently.  The main focus for my uncle was to participate in expanding my other uncles businesses in America.  This meant RHK moving to America and getting admission into a University there.  Over the years, my uncle did extremely well in America, where he established a number of businesses, including a real estate and two restaurants.

Two years later from when RHK finished his education from Berkshire, I too finished and prepared to enter a true student life at University.  I was glad to never face RHK again. Over the years RHK become a distant memory.  Of course, we knew what was happening in each other’s families, on at an extremely high level.  So it wasn’t that bothering anymore.

Until

About 15 months ago RHK and most of his siblings (including his mum) returned to the UK to seek new opportunities.  ‘Seeking new opportunities’ in the Asian dictionary means ‘Seeking marriage proposals’.  I remember when RHK and his family got settled back into Leeds, they were traditionally invited over for dinner at my mum and dad’s house.  I was continually getting phone calls from my mum, my brothers, sister-in-laws and my sisters to confirm that I was coming and making sure I turned up.  I think they feared that had I not turned up, not shown my face it would look bad on our relationship, it would raise eyebrows and make people/family – RHK’s family speculate.  So despite my reservations about RHK, I did turn up and strangely enough, RHK and I could actually have a civilised discussion.  The strangest thing about seeing him again in flesh after so many years was how similar both of us looked I mean, anyone could guess we were first cousins.

Somehow and somewhere RHK has started gaining interest in my life, what I do, who I am associated with, what I’m involved in and who I surround myself with.  These interests has reignited his competitiveness with me and fed his feral side.  I must admit, RHK up until he text me, didn’t bother me anymore.  I know he is successful considering the portfolio of businesses he and his family have both in UK and America, but I’m no longer the same 13 year old kid – I too have expanded my reign and occupy territory and have multiple businesses and a career in healthcare.

The real problem with RHK is, and has always been, his desire to have what I have.  It is as simple as that – a despot in the making.  Of course, RHK keeping a close eye on me meant it was matter of time until he would click on about my interest in Simren, and unfortunately, somehow amongst my generation people started speculating about me and Simren – which naturally would and eventually did reach RHK.

Without wasting time, he did what he does best, interfere in my life.  That to with something I expressed so much interest in – Simren.  Yes I am shocked, Yes I am angry and Yes I feel revengeful – especially since RHK and I haven’t even spoken properly, haven’t been in the same room no longer than an hour or so – yet within matter of months he has the nerve to text me such message and stake his interest above mine and being so truculent.  I know, right now, while I put this post together he is doing nothing more than to connive, deride and turning Simren against me, exploiting what happened between me and her.

I have two clear options: One – I can avoid the clash with him and indeed move on, or Two – I can do what I have learnt to do – fight for what I feel is right and this is exactly what I intend to do.

I hope, after reading this, you understand the type of person I am dealing with.  I feel, had I not written this post about RHK, you wouldn’t have understood why I feel so threatened, upset and angry.

Despite what RHK throws at me – I will never give up.  Because I am an open book on this blog – I can write exactly how things have been in the past, are right now and continue to be going into the future, and I must admit that I am scared, scared of losing someone that I want so badly – who I feel is the key for me to change my ways and a companion for life.

…and so, it all begins – yet again.

* Name hidden to protect identity.

Rapid Progress: Leeds, London to Bangalore and Mumbai

I’m less than 24 hours away from flying out to India only while being back from India less than 3 months.  This is what I call ‘rapid progress’ and why shouldn’t it be, as time is of essence as always.  You may recall, I wrote about change in my life and the reasons why I am now engaged in business in India.  This visit to India is going up another stage for the venture I am involved in.

Now that this will be my third visit to India in less than two years means that I have already established a solid base and network in India – and I must extol thanks to my acquaintance who has put her heart and mind in accommodating me and in ensuring that all my expectations, requirements and desires are met both personally and for the venture we both are involved in.  Our relationship has grown ever so strong, more so recently, and on that basis our foundations together are becoming more and more solid by the day – what does help is the exchange of large amount of cash from both parties to kick start this venture literally done on verbal agreement, despite my banking portfolio-manager raising his eyebrow at the arrangement.  Had either one of us been dealing with someone else, verbal agreement would never cross our minds but a written agreement, so the trust element of our relationship is at an all time high.

My stay in India will be mostly business with some pleasure, and I hope my stay there for 8 nights mainly in Prabhadevi with some travelling to other cities back and forth will be enough to complete some objectives – mainly getting the ball rolling for recruiting staff for our new venture.  It’s going to be a tough task.  The elite customer base (who have to go through a stringent vetting process) has now topped 4,600 members only in Bangalore and Mumbai alone not to mention numbers in other cities like Delhi or cities in UK and US.  This is prior to our launch date pencilled in for July this year and well before a marketing strategy has been designed, let alone advertising this new venture through a series of private clubs and networks.  This achievement is a mini success.  Something I predicted when we discussed this venture prior to my involvement.

I must say it’s amazing how the word of mouth along with the reputation of my acquaintance in India can achieve all this effortlessly.

So the recruitment drive, in my view, is a big deal.  Any progress in this space needs to be right the first time.  Once this is well under way in India, a similar recruitment drive will be conducted here in the UK.  I guess in the UK it’s more stress-free or less stressful, especially when the various recruitment agencies are prepared to do all the donkey work for you.

This week also completes two months of working in London.  If you are up to date with my change post written prior to my last visit to India in December 2012, you will know the reasons of why I relocated from working in Leeds to London and in particular Vauxhall where I continue with my existing career and Knightsbridge where the offices for the new venture has been established.  The lifestyle change meant that in the New Year, once I got back from spending the entire December of 2012 in India, I had to continue with my existing career and establish a firm base for our new venture, but from London.

It’s been an interesting change with new experiences and where some experiences stretched far longer than what I’d experienced previously.  Travelling by train from Leeds to Kings Cross every Monday morning, then to return on a Thursday afternoon/evening each week for two months has been an interesting experience.  It’s my preferred method of travelling between Leeds and London, where the alternatives are to either drive or fly between both locations.  I’ve tried all three options but I do prefer the train commute, the very least it gives me just over 2 hours of much needed productivity time where I can conduct my business and attend matters which require my attention, where otherwise isn’t available with the other travel options.

Travelling by train between Leeds and London, I have experienced some interesting encounters with people, most are worthy of a dedicate post – like for example, the two teenage girls sitting opposite me on the first class cabin seeking advice from me on their trouble teenage relationships and then having to speak to another girl friend of theirs over the phone to repeat my advice, or the gay guy who burst into tears after falling out with his boyfriend over the phone and then confiding in me the whole duration from London to Leeds, to the racist chap thinking he was a smart arse who I then shredded into fine bits after he made a racist remark to a black student on the train or to the Australian women who was convinced I was a close friend of her ex husband and that I was following her.

The relocation during the week to London has meant having to sell both of my cars in January.  As part of my relocation to London I have been given a company car, this for the time being is sufficient for me to drive around.  It also gives me the opportunity to order a new 4×4 on a 2013 registered plate with my personal choice of colour (Diamond White), interior and gadgets which is scheduled for delivery come end of April this year.

So, with this rapid progress, I bid you farewell for a short while and I hope to catch up with you guys once I touch base in India in two days time.

Rock On

Okay, so maybe I was in two minds up until now, especially after my last post ‘the chronicles between Simren and I’.  Soon after publishing the last post, I had decided with warranted reasons I must add, that I wouldn’t write or blog about it anymore.  All, what I had written so far about Simren and I, was done with great pain and sting.  What I had written, the candor expressed, although anonymously and arcane, still did make me nervous and for many reasons.  My decision was made.

Until

Now, somehow and in someway, my personal experience and in general the ‘happenings’ between Simren and I, has attracted attention.  Thanks to my followers and readers and to their perusal, who contacted me either via my blog or email, encouraged me to continue, admittedly taken back by the response.  Continue in sharing the episodes between us, and I am somewhat persuaded in making every effort, more than ever and with more determination to keep you guys in touch with it all, and where I find myself unable to repudiate.

This type of attention and determination brings me back to my days at boarding school somewhere in Berkshire.  It was there, at the tender age of 13, a nervous and truculent British Asian boy with a wanton attitude entered an intimidating environment, which later shaped his character to what he is today.  I guess a dedicated blog post about this is on the horizon.  It was there, in that very boarding school that salient preference was given to writing, and handwriting in particular – irrelevant of who you were, which family you belonged to, which internal house you were in, and what great things you may be aligned to do where the history of this boarding school was hard to ignore.  We were encouraged to write, not type, despite every student been given a laptop, and write anything and about everything.  It was a way of expressing, letting out the demons, capturing what needed to be said on a fresh piece of paper, neatly bound together to form a navy blue hardback writing book – where each new page screamed out for my imagination, feelings and thoughts, helped by the creepy, suspicious harry potter type of dark and cold environment.

From the many years I spent in that environment, as my age ticket by so did the habit of writing.  Writing, before long, became normal but a method to free yourself of all the anger, hate, reservations, confusion and reasons why you just didn’t want to be there, away from family and away from your real world.

Since then, till now, the only visible change is the replacement of that navy blue hardback writing book to this blog.  Then, whatever was written wasn’t for the public domain, but today it is. although written anonymously.

If you have had the pleasure of reading about me, you will notice a strong dedication of learning, of educating beyond aberration or expectations of many.  That’s right, I continue to educate myself in many forms.  This can only be achieved by writing and reading.  Both writing and reading compliment each other and go hand in hand.  In my case, writing helps me make sense of things, a kind of birds eye view of things, which otherwise is simply impossible.  As far as my situation with Simren is concerned – meticulous writing about it – as and how it is – helps me understand the entire situation, a sort of roadmap with a birds eye view – on what the terrain looks like, and, what I am taking on no matter how lurid or modicum it is.

Considering the above, I will now make every effort to post regularly about our story – exactly as it happens and unfolds, even if it is morose.  I envisage to post once every two weeks the very least and without word limit restrictions.  This is in addition to writing about everything else surrounding British Asians.

Yes, I may piss some of you off, I may also annoy some of you by the methods I adopt to achieve the desired result – I may even encourage some of you in your fight for that right person, a sort of panacea if you like.  I may give courage to others that it is worth every effort.  I may even provide you with some entertainment and repartee – albeit at my own expense..

So, on that note, Que le jeu commence…